Dean Allen should spend every waking moment writing cookbooks. Culinary troll that I am, I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about most of the time, but still I love reading his recipes for the jewels interspersed throughout, such as these:

You should be smoking while doing this, with the cigarette perched at enough of a jaunty angle that falling ash may add random colour and texture every time you swear.

[…]

Simmer for an hour or so, then remove the chicken and strain the by-now knackered vegetables from the broth to be chucked in the compost or served to rotten children.